Who Am I?

Well, it happened again. I dreamed big. I planned bigger. I produced bigger than that. The event happened. Words were spoken. Some words left unsaid. The event ended. Everyone left. I was disappointed....let down. I cried. I was exhausted. I cleaned up and went to bed. Let the stewing begin. I've replayed the event over and over from the theme, to the last good-bye. I consider myself to be a very realistic person, but no matter how many variables I consider beforehand, somehow I always get my hopes up. I thought I would grow out of it, but so far I haven't. I guess I could still hold on to the notion that I might grow out of the "getting the hopes dashed" one day, but I'd probably get my hopes up waiting for it to happen. Yep, it's THAT bad. Does this make me a dreamer? I've often wondered if I was a dreamer or a realist. I'm not sure I have a firm yes or no either way.

I have many, MANY times held back on the planning and carrying out of certain events because of fear. Fear of making someone feel inferior -Fear of being misjudged of my intentions-fear of the disappointment that was sure to follow when I didn't get the reactions that I thought I should get. Then there just comes a time for risk. You risk those fears because it's who you are-how God created and designed you to be. I am a doer, a go-all-outer, a lover of details and giving my all to whatever task I've been given. Ironically, I love simplicity, but in an extravagant sort of way....and even if no one appreciates it in the way that I would like for them to, I will keep being all of those things. I will continue to dream big, plan bigger, and produce biggest because God wired me this way. I will have more let-downs and disappointments, but ain't NOBODY gonna steal my JOY which runs way deeper than all of the surface ripple stuff.

I had to post this for someone in particular. She needed this today. She needed to be affirmed through the writing and the wording....and I will admit that the "she" is me~