Well, I've discovered something about myself. Isn't it funny how you've lived with yourself longer than anyone else, but even after 36 years are still making new discoveries about your person?? Anyway...I have always known that I am, indeed, a morning person. It is my absolute favorite time of the day. However, by night fall I have shut down and entered my cave mode. I just want to be wrapped in a blanket and as close to sleep as I can get.
So, when I read about other moms and how much they love snuggling up with each of their children at night and talking for a long time at bedtime.....this may sound horrible, but....I shudder. By that time I can't get them to bed fast enough. I'm done. I'm spent. I'm tired. I don't want to hang out in their rooms forever. I adore and love my 3, but all day 24/7 with them is exhausting.
Lately, Thatcher has decided he wants to read to me at night. I love and appreciate that, but not at bedtime. The last time I stood on the ladder of his bunkbed for 30 minutes and listened to him read I thought I was going to fall out. I love hearing him read. I want to hear him read, but not when he should be in sleep mode and I'm in cave mode.
At first I felt guilty about it, but I'm really trying to pick apart this mom guilt stuff and make better sense out of it. Is it a conviction? If it is, then I need to take action. Is it guilt that me or someone else is placing on me? If it is, then I need to kick it to the curb. I don't have to be like "other" moms. I don't even have to be like the majority of moms. That is not how God created me. He created me to be me. This discovery is freeing. The weight of guilt has been lifted and I'm free to be me.
I also don't think it's a fair lesson for my kids if I always conform to who they want me to be. If I'm always doing everything they think I should for them, then they'll never know about being themselves. I want them to know how special and unique each of them are. Jack is a pleaser. He wants to do, say, think, and like the things that we as his mom and dad agree with. I'm trying to get him to understand that we don't have to like the same things. He's not quite there yet, but I tell him constantly that I want him to be himself. He doesn't need to act like his brother or any other kid. He's awesome just like he is.
God loves us just as we are- warts and all. I'm not saying to stay in any self-destructive patterns, habits, or behaviors. I'm saying to accept your differences and remember to take captive your thoughts and feelings and weigh them alongside God's word. I'll never be perfect at it and I'll still wrestle with mom guilt. But, God loves me anyway.
My Dream Come True....
So, awhile back I made a whiney post about my dream of having a craft room. I went back and reread it and was disgusted with how whiney it sounded. That was all the motivation I needed to get the room done. It's done. My Craft Room.....here are the pics:
This is not the greatest pic, but here it is before.
A PEEK into the NEW ROOM!! New Paint-New carpet.....
Closer in....My lamps are new and I scored them for $4.00 a piece with the shade on clearance!!! The curtain is from Overstock. The table in front of the window was another trash find from years ago! I put my Cricut and the Jukebox on top! Good storage on the bottom!
Both pieces found on the side of the road! Bookcase was scored last week and it fits my scrapbook albums!!! Love it!
My work table is my dining table. We'll get a new one of those later! :) Added cubes and lots of storage contaniers all scored from the dollar store!! Love that place!
Bookcase we already had....just organized now!
This shelf was in the garage when we moved in. I painted it black and had it in Jack's room. Then we re-did Jack's room and I took it for my craft room!!
I had this frame already! The glass had broken, so I backed it myself with chicken wire and I'm in the process of hanging pictures and quotes on it using clothespins! Love how it turned out!
I bought the hooks for cheap! Found these 3 pocket organizers for jewelry at the Dollar Tree. I have them by my table with embellishments in them! Love these!!
This is not the greatest pic, but here it is before.
A PEEK into the NEW ROOM!! New Paint-New carpet.....
Closer in....My lamps are new and I scored them for $4.00 a piece with the shade on clearance!!! The curtain is from Overstock. The table in front of the window was another trash find from years ago! I put my Cricut and the Jukebox on top! Good storage on the bottom!
Both pieces found on the side of the road! Bookcase was scored last week and it fits my scrapbook albums!!! Love it!
My work table is my dining table. We'll get a new one of those later! :) Added cubes and lots of storage contaniers all scored from the dollar store!! Love that place!
Bookcase we already had....just organized now!
This shelf was in the garage when we moved in. I painted it black and had it in Jack's room. Then we re-did Jack's room and I took it for my craft room!!
I had this frame already! The glass had broken, so I backed it myself with chicken wire and I'm in the process of hanging pictures and quotes on it using clothespins! Love how it turned out!
I bought the hooks for cheap! Found these 3 pocket organizers for jewelry at the Dollar Tree. I have them by my table with embellishments in them! Love these!!So, no more whining!!! My next order of business is to make labels for all of the containers!!! I love it all organized! It took me a while to go through it all and put it back in the room! Hope you liked the tour!!
FYI....
The bird returned. She built a new nest. Same exact spot. Jack checked for eggs, saw there were none and took it down. He told me before he had my back- glad he came through. :) No sightings since then.
A Bird In The Hand....
Well, I did it..... I feel the need to put a small disclaimer before this post. I am in no way against nature or animals. I love them. I appreciate them. I see them as God's creation. I also see that they have quite a vast area to build and establish their homes and nests, so they don't NEED to build a nest on my wreath.
With that said....EVERY YEAR that we've been here a robin has built her nest on my wreath outside my front door. The first year, it was fascinating and a great learning experience for the boys. We checked it everyday. We documented the whole process in pictures and watched the babies fly away. However, when they moved out of their home they left behind a mess that I never expected. POOP. EVERYWHERE. I ended up having to throw out my wreath. I had to hose down and bleach my front porch. It was a total gag moment for me. Little bird turds everywhere....and a high spraying hose causes them to scatter on the sprayee.
The following year she (the robin) showed up again. I was not thrilled, but allowed her to stay. When she left, the same poop fest clean up occurred. So, this morning I was fit to be tied when I looked out the window and saw her spinning the last weave of dead grass on top of my brand new wreath!!! I just couldn't do it again. So, I went outside and she quickly flew away to mid yard to watch the horror. I CAREFULLY checked the nest for eggs first. (I'm not a monster. I care.) There were no eggs. The nest covered the entire top of my wreath. I lifted it off of the wreath and onto the bush in front of my porch. I figured I was at least preserving her hard work. She was chirping so incredibly loud at me the entire time and giving me a deadly bird's eye glare. I was expecting her to do a fly by and "accidently" peck my forehead. The boys were watching through the glass door. Jack said he had my back in case she flew up to the porch for a confrontation. Wreath was in tact and poop-less, so I went back inside.
I checked a few minutes later and saw a different bird standing on the bush rooting around the nest. Then, I saw some scuffling and turned my neck to see the robin had returned to my wreath. The nerve. I figured she had either weaved in some explosives or had "released" some of her own. I'm paranoid now. I pictured her weeping in bird therapy about a mean human who discarded her precious nest. I also pictured her telling every large bird on our block her tale of woe and pointing our house out with her wing. So, now I'm on the look out for the feathered mafia. I told the hubs he might want to invest in a hat and perhaps only make mad dashes to and from the house.
I'll be eager to check in the morning and see if she returned only to rebuild....to be continued.
With that said....EVERY YEAR that we've been here a robin has built her nest on my wreath outside my front door. The first year, it was fascinating and a great learning experience for the boys. We checked it everyday. We documented the whole process in pictures and watched the babies fly away. However, when they moved out of their home they left behind a mess that I never expected. POOP. EVERYWHERE. I ended up having to throw out my wreath. I had to hose down and bleach my front porch. It was a total gag moment for me. Little bird turds everywhere....and a high spraying hose causes them to scatter on the sprayee.
The following year she (the robin) showed up again. I was not thrilled, but allowed her to stay. When she left, the same poop fest clean up occurred. So, this morning I was fit to be tied when I looked out the window and saw her spinning the last weave of dead grass on top of my brand new wreath!!! I just couldn't do it again. So, I went outside and she quickly flew away to mid yard to watch the horror. I CAREFULLY checked the nest for eggs first. (I'm not a monster. I care.) There were no eggs. The nest covered the entire top of my wreath. I lifted it off of the wreath and onto the bush in front of my porch. I figured I was at least preserving her hard work. She was chirping so incredibly loud at me the entire time and giving me a deadly bird's eye glare. I was expecting her to do a fly by and "accidently" peck my forehead. The boys were watching through the glass door. Jack said he had my back in case she flew up to the porch for a confrontation. Wreath was in tact and poop-less, so I went back inside.
I checked a few minutes later and saw a different bird standing on the bush rooting around the nest. Then, I saw some scuffling and turned my neck to see the robin had returned to my wreath. The nerve. I figured she had either weaved in some explosives or had "released" some of her own. I'm paranoid now. I pictured her weeping in bird therapy about a mean human who discarded her precious nest. I also pictured her telling every large bird on our block her tale of woe and pointing our house out with her wing. So, now I'm on the look out for the feathered mafia. I told the hubs he might want to invest in a hat and perhaps only make mad dashes to and from the house.
I'll be eager to check in the morning and see if she returned only to rebuild....to be continued.
I feel the need....
Have you ever wanted to do something so badly that the thoughts of it get your heart racing? I have SUCH the creating/crafting bug right now!! So, I decided that the "study" was going to become a craft room! First of all, no one ever went in there to "study". Secondly, I love the hubs dearly, but he has an office outside of this home. I have nowhere else to go to retreat...not even the bathroom. So, I bought paint, took most everything out of the room and started painting. Unfortunately, I ran out of 2 things: paint and motivation. The mess is killing me. Right now, the formal living room is housing everything that I had to move out of the study. I do NOT like clutter, so I have to put my hand in front of my face to pass by that room. I'm kinda in the mind-set of wanting the room done, but don't want to put forth the energy to do it. I can't work in there while Margaret is underfoot. It wouldn't take half an hour for her to have a permanent change to the color of her skin. Then when I have a (very) short break during the day, I'm short on energy. It's my time to let down, have my quiet time, and read. The next "break" comes after all 3 kids are in bed, but that's quality time with the man and by that point I'm too exhausted to lift a paint brush. I went away on a women's retreat last weekend and I hoped and prayed Chris would finish the room. I was saddened to return and find it in shambles like I'd left it. However, ALL of the laundry had been washed, dried, folded, hung-up, and put away....no complaints there. So, back to this need to create...I started on some artwork for Margaret's room, I'm ready to try some new techniques on my scrapbook pages, and I have a brain full of projects that I'm dying to make! My sanity depends on me finishing this room. I have the itch and it's not just from allergies... I DVR a crafting show and watch it while I work-out every morning and the desire to work with my hands at that point almost makes me salivate...or it could be the intensity with which I'm currently working out on the elliptical. Either way, I feel like I'm so close to actually living out my dream of having my very own craft room. To be able to check-off something on my dream list would be profound for me. This may seem silly to someone reading this, but for me I'm giddy with seriousness on the topic of having my own space full of organized bins, colors, paints, pens, baubles, buttons, fabrics, ribbons, wrapping paper....almost brings a tear to my eyes. Crazy? YES, I am totally crazy about creating. It's not only important for me, but also for my kids to pass on something that I truly have a passion for. I KNOW we could make some serious memories in that room. Now, if I could just find someone really cheap to finish my dream for me.......
A Little Air-Brushing Never Hurt
I've been enlightened to a photo editing site that's so incredibly addicting. I'm still a novice when it comes to Photoshop. Too many layers, backgrounds...blah, blah, blah. I need point, click, done...and a very large undo button. I've spent some time editing a few of the kids' photos and today I decided to take a stab at my own. I know you are amazed at how well I've been aging as of late. All of my wrinkles have magically disappeared....even some of the ones necessary to make the facial expression I'm making in the picture. In just a matter of seconds, I was able to lose 57% of my weight, add color to my bland lips, and an extra swipe of mascara to each extra sparkly eye. HA! It was fun. I'm not that vain, so I won't be posting this on Facebook- just on my blog where I can explain and laugh about it. I've gotta go brush my teeth and get ready for bed....too bad I don't have editing options on my bathroom mirror. ;)
Rough Morning....
I'm a very passionate person. I didn't realize that until I birthed a very passionate child and saw myself reflected in his actions. I remember being a tantrum thrower, fit screamer, anger monger kid. (I'm so sorry, Mom. I now have one...possibly 2 magnified.) Yesterday, my passionate child tested me from the moment he woke up until he went to sleep last night. I kept him late in the car before school to make sure he'd calmed down. He made me so furious that I yelled. I admitted it. I apologized. He got out of the van and I sat in the parking lot and watched him walk slowly to the building. He finally turned to see if I was still there and actually waved to me after all we'd been through that morning and I sobbed. I continued to cry all the way home and prayed that he'd have a decent day, learn how to direct his passions, and that I would learn how to direct mine. I hate mornings like that! Especially a MONDAY morning like that!! I soo badly wanted a do-over or just to crawl back in bed!! The only consolation I had is the fact that I grew out of the tantrums and fits. I still feel things deeply, but thank-you, GOD, for the fruit gift of self-control! PAH-LEEEEZE let it grow forth and blossom in my son.....SOON!!
MERCY!!!
I took an unintentional break from blogging, but ready or not I'm back! So much going on as of late reminds me of arm wrestling as a kid with friends! We'd wrestle even as girls until one of us couldn't take the pain anymore and yell "MERCY!!"
That's what I have felt like yelling out to God in light of certain tragedies....someone I highly respected, admired, and loved committed suicide. I have tried and tried to make sense of it, but I can't and all I can do is yell for his family "MERCY!!!" as I think of his wife and 2 children he left behind.
A senseless murder of a young pastor in Texas who's wife grew up in my home church. Again, can't make sense of it and all I can do is yell "MERCY!!!" for his young wife.
Friends who have loved ones with terminal illnesses -just heart breaking as they are young and have young families and again "MERCY!!"
An earthquake and tsunamis in Japan and watching the videos of the devastation~ "MERCY!!"
A little less grim is this time of the year in Michigan. Always a time of testing for me. The rest of the US is preparing for spring, flowers are blooming, flip flops are being worn, and while it's finally above freezing here, it's still in the 30's with occasional flurries and long days of gray, fog, and dirty snow on the ground. The lack of sun takes it's toll on a mom who spends her days in the isolated company of a strong willed 2 year old. It's hard. Granted, not as hard as the previously mentioned circumstances, but day to day living in this dreary season is HARD! There are many days when Margaret fights me on everything from getting dressed, to food, to taking naps where I feel like looking up and crying out "MERCY!!!!"
I'm so thankful God's mercies are NEW EVERY MORNING just like HE SAYS! They are new for the weariest of the wearied because GOD IS ENOUGH! He brings laughter just when I need it. He plants an ounce of cooperativeness in Margaret just when I need it. He inspires a husband to make his wife a pot of coffee on a Saturday morning before going to an early basketball game, just when I need it. HE gives me a good hair day just when I need it! He knows what I need even when I don't and He gives me just enough to live each day as it comes. How could I possibly look anywhere else to fill a void that only HE can fill! He is a merciful God and I cling to that as He has proven himself faithful to me time and time again! For every hard day I have, he replaces them with good ones! So, I can cry out "MERCY!!" and He'll answer back "My peace I give to you and leave with you!" I LOVE that about Him. Not only does God say it, He means it and He does it! He is so GOOD. Even in the midst of all the gray, fog, and bad news, He is still good.
That's what I have felt like yelling out to God in light of certain tragedies....someone I highly respected, admired, and loved committed suicide. I have tried and tried to make sense of it, but I can't and all I can do is yell for his family "MERCY!!!" as I think of his wife and 2 children he left behind.
A senseless murder of a young pastor in Texas who's wife grew up in my home church. Again, can't make sense of it and all I can do is yell "MERCY!!!" for his young wife.
Friends who have loved ones with terminal illnesses -just heart breaking as they are young and have young families and again "MERCY!!"
An earthquake and tsunamis in Japan and watching the videos of the devastation~ "MERCY!!"
A little less grim is this time of the year in Michigan. Always a time of testing for me. The rest of the US is preparing for spring, flowers are blooming, flip flops are being worn, and while it's finally above freezing here, it's still in the 30's with occasional flurries and long days of gray, fog, and dirty snow on the ground. The lack of sun takes it's toll on a mom who spends her days in the isolated company of a strong willed 2 year old. It's hard. Granted, not as hard as the previously mentioned circumstances, but day to day living in this dreary season is HARD! There are many days when Margaret fights me on everything from getting dressed, to food, to taking naps where I feel like looking up and crying out "MERCY!!!!"
I'm so thankful God's mercies are NEW EVERY MORNING just like HE SAYS! They are new for the weariest of the wearied because GOD IS ENOUGH! He brings laughter just when I need it. He plants an ounce of cooperativeness in Margaret just when I need it. He inspires a husband to make his wife a pot of coffee on a Saturday morning before going to an early basketball game, just when I need it. HE gives me a good hair day just when I need it! He knows what I need even when I don't and He gives me just enough to live each day as it comes. How could I possibly look anywhere else to fill a void that only HE can fill! He is a merciful God and I cling to that as He has proven himself faithful to me time and time again! For every hard day I have, he replaces them with good ones! So, I can cry out "MERCY!!" and He'll answer back "My peace I give to you and leave with you!" I LOVE that about Him. Not only does God say it, He means it and He does it! He is so GOOD. Even in the midst of all the gray, fog, and bad news, He is still good.
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