A Light In the Darkness...

There is something so magical to me about these little lighted houses. I LOVE them. My kids LOVE them. I have caught each one of them peeking through the windows at one time. There is something so warm about the glow of the light emitted from these miniature villages especially at night. It makes me wonder about the little people that might inhabit them. Are they laughing in the warmth of their homes? Sitting in their comfiest clothing?
I LOVE to be at home. I am a homebody for sure. I used to love to be away and out and about. Don't get me wrong, I am not a hermit by any stretch. I STILL must go and do, but I prefer my home. I crave home most at night when by some chance I'm not there. If I pass by other homes, I crane my neck to see inside windows with no coverings...to see the glow and the lighting makes me long for the warmth of my own home. I've had seasons of a chill in my home that could make you freeze your buns on my sofa, but those seasons make me appreciate the warmth I have right now so much more. The glow comes from much more than the lighting.
If we have accepted salvation from Jesus, we carry an inner glow and warmth. He is the Light of the World and if he's in our hearts, we can't help but shine. I want to glow in such a way that makes others crave Him. He is our Light in the darkness and He is the keeper of our eternal home. Do others see this in me or do I send a chill through their spine with my icy remarks and attitude that makes the hair on the back of their necks stand up??
Not really where I was planning to go with this post, but God led me down a different route. When people look at you, do they see the glow? Do you personally have that glow in your heart right now to claim?

Who Am I?

Well, it happened again. I dreamed big. I planned bigger. I produced bigger than that. The event happened. Words were spoken. Some words left unsaid. The event ended. Everyone left. I was disappointed....let down. I cried. I was exhausted. I cleaned up and went to bed. Let the stewing begin. I've replayed the event over and over from the theme, to the last good-bye. I consider myself to be a very realistic person, but no matter how many variables I consider beforehand, somehow I always get my hopes up. I thought I would grow out of it, but so far I haven't. I guess I could still hold on to the notion that I might grow out of the "getting the hopes dashed" one day, but I'd probably get my hopes up waiting for it to happen. Yep, it's THAT bad. Does this make me a dreamer? I've often wondered if I was a dreamer or a realist. I'm not sure I have a firm yes or no either way.

I have many, MANY times held back on the planning and carrying out of certain events because of fear. Fear of making someone feel inferior -Fear of being misjudged of my intentions-fear of the disappointment that was sure to follow when I didn't get the reactions that I thought I should get. Then there just comes a time for risk. You risk those fears because it's who you are-how God created and designed you to be. I am a doer, a go-all-outer, a lover of details and giving my all to whatever task I've been given. Ironically, I love simplicity, but in an extravagant sort of way....and even if no one appreciates it in the way that I would like for them to, I will keep being all of those things. I will continue to dream big, plan bigger, and produce biggest because God wired me this way. I will have more let-downs and disappointments, but ain't NOBODY gonna steal my JOY which runs way deeper than all of the surface ripple stuff.

I had to post this for someone in particular. She needed this today. She needed to be affirmed through the writing and the wording....and I will admit that the "she" is me~

First Week Frenzy.....

So, last week was the first week of school up here. State law in Michigan mandates that schools can't start until after labor day. I'm sure it's a lot wordier than that, but there it is in a blunt nutshell.

Thatcher had an assignment that was due on Friday. The typical "ME" bag. He had to bring in a bag with things about himself.

Of course, Thursday night we're trying to get this done. He said his stomach was hurting at dinner, so he laid on the couch while the rest of us ate. After we finished, he perked up and wanted nuggets. (I'm thinking I got played, but it was minimal.) I made his nuggets, or rather warmed them up, and told him we needed to work on this project after he ate to get it done. Thatcher usually swallows his food whole. You know "PASS the teeth and over the gums. Look out stomach here it comes."

I finally found the key into getting him to chew his dinner....tell him he has homework to do. I've never seen him take 30 bites to eat one nugget. So, I start looking at this list. Only 4 things to go in the bag..not too bad. However, one was a family photo. I have TONS of the 3 of them, but none recent of the 5 of us.

Let me run the gammit for a sec:I HATE....I REPEAT...I HATE being photographed. I try to stay out of pictures as much as possible. I just don't photograph well....plus the "average" camera adds 10 pounds, but I always happen upon the atypical camera that adds a good 40.

Needless to say, we were in a bind. It was close to Margaret's bathtime. Jack had gotten a wild hair and jumped in the shower early to get it over with. Thatcher was eating at snail's pace, and Chris was adding apps to his phone.

The next few events were a blur, but the next thing I knew we had the tripod out, camera balanced on top with a book (since we're missing the little piece that connects the camera to the tripod), I'm yelling at everyone to huddle in and SMILE, Jack is complaining that he's already in pajamas for the family picture, Chris sets the timer, jumps in beside me and "CHEEEEEEESSE!"

Whew! What a worldwind. Done!....or not.....Chris was awesome enough to take Margaret upstairs, give her a bath, and put her to bed while I printed the picture...but then...I really wished I would have stuck out my neck... I was seeing a crevice. Not liking my tired eyes, shiny skin....not much I could do about Chris' forced smile. So, I opened up Photoshop Elements and began with the "healing brush". I should probably read more about that part of the editing program because I failed miserably. For your viewing enjoyment, I'm sharing my work......

ATTEMPT #1:

Notice my 5 o'clock shadow. I'm thinking bearded lady at the circus.

ATTEMPT #2:

Apparently, I've been eating chicken with hormones and have grown a partial 3rd eye and another nose.

ATTEMPT #3:

Please, Lord...not a butt chin.

I finally gave up. I printed the original, stuck it in the bag and moved on. It's gonna be a long year.

Trash to Treasure

This summer has been the "summer of projects" around here. It has really helped to salvage the bit of sanity that yet remains.... I caught the bug of furniture re-do and became a monster. So, I thought I'd share my work as of late.....love it or leave it. ;)

This was one of my roadside rescues. When I brought this home, Chris started laughing hysterically. He began to explain that he had proceeded to pass by this chest 2 days in a row going to work and then here I was bringing it home. Of course, I looked at him like he was crazy for not picking it up 2 days EARLIER!

This adorable cabinet-around 4 and a half feet tall- was a WHOPPING $3.00 at a garage sale. Yes, $3.00, NOT $30............

After I sanded-primed-painted-and added new hardware-the 2 together became......

THIS! I had the primer and sand paper on hand. So, the paint+ cost of the cabinet makes this a $20 piece of furniture! 3 cheers for cheap "Hip Hip......" you get the point, but it sure makes me giddy!

Okay, this next piece only has 2 "after" pics and no "before"s
soooo just close your eyes and attempt to picture what you've read of it's description. Got it?!

The bottom drawers was a roadside rescue! I'd had it for 2 years "as is" in the basement with a TV on it. I was waiting to decide what to do with it. It was white with a bit of gold trim....ugly, but had potential!

Then I stumbled upon the top hutch on craig's list! $40 for this antique hutch! I fell in love and there was no turning back. I knew in my heart I wanted a giant piece of furniture painted apple green, so I made it happen.!

Lots of sanding on the bottom part-Chris stepped in with his power sander....then he quickly stepped out...;) I primed-painted-added new hardware on the drawers and birthed the following.....

It's my MOST favorite piece of furniture to date! The top ($40)+ paint ($30) makes this a $70 giant apple green piece of furniture! Although, to me it's PRICELESS!!!!

I have no before pics of this either.....the top cabinet was white and I'd had it for several years. This came out of my mom's house in Homer, La. The bottom was also a hand me down from Chris' grandmother many years ago! Lots of elbow grease required on this buffet. I painted it robin's egg blue and added large, handpainted, red knobs from Hobby Lobby. Love the way it all looks now and really brightens up this room! Can't recall the cost of the knobs, but the paint was around $20.

Chris built this awesome loft bed for Jack! It was truly a labor of love. Took us a WEEK to paint this thing-then Chris had to seal it twice and voil' la----a loft bed was born! I also painted his room this lime green too. Not the best of pictures, but here it is nonethelesssss.

Okay-this is just a few--there are others...like several....I TOLD you I became a monster, but it has been SOOOO much fun! There were many mornings that we'd jump in the car and the boys would get out to help me grab some "trash" and bring it home!!! Nothing like the thrill of the hunt, making it a diamond in the rough, and saving TONS of money in the process!! I might post more pics later...but I'm all done...for now....

The Ice-cream Man...

or in this case...the ice cream lady. So, today it finally rained after weeks without it! For some crazy reason the ice cream truck was overheard making it's way through our hood. The boys immediately wanted money and were willing to stand in the rain for overpriced and not that great icecream. They didn't whisper their desire, they yelled it, and when they did Margaret heard it. She was jumping up and down "ice cweam! ice cweam!"

We ALL ended up outside under the tree waiting for the truck of frozen dreams to drive down our street. After a good 30 minutes....the song grew louder and louder until we could see the hot pink truck turn in our direction. I don't think I've seen Margaret get as giggly and excited as she did in those forever minutes it took to get down our street.

This particular icecream vendor is a woman. One side of her face is a little drooped. She'll start smiling if you get her talking, but she's a little reserved. She has a cup on the window for tips with a sign reading "Quarters please." I don't always think to have extra for her, but today I did. Margaret got hers and then the boys. The neighbor girl was with us too and since she's all of 4, she was too nervous to order. I helped her out. Turned out she needed 50 more cents. I had put the rest of my quarters in the tip jar, so I was about to run back in the house for more $. The lady stopped me and said "didn't you just put some quarters in the tip jar?" I said "yes." She said "then it's covered. That's what I use the tips for anyway. For kids who don't have money or enough money."

Here's this lady, with a slight deformity, doesn't have much, drives around in a hot pink truck with the most annoying loud tune playing over and over and over.......She could easily take those tips for herself and rightly so, but she uses them to help others. I was humbled. I haven't been able to stop thinking about this lady. I have a cup full of quarters just waiting for her return. She scooped out way more than icecream for my kids today.

Finally Inspired.....

It took long enough, but I'm happy to report that I've been inspired.
I wrote a Facebook Status today that spoke to me. I'm not being vain....maybe I should have said "God spoke to me through it" because He did. My status was "I have decided to accept the fact that I will never understand some people." I have to say that I include myself in that status. I don't fully grasp or understand who I am either, but I don't think I'm supposed to.

I LOVE art. I collect art books and I have always loved Renoir, Mary Cassat, Monet, Degas, Van Gogh and then even Norman Rockwell. He wasn't an Impressionist, but his paintings are so incredibly lifelike and I love them. I have such an appreciation for both types of work! Then there are other types of art out there that I don't love....never loved Andy Warhol and his soup cans, or Picasso and the nude women who had their parts painted in the wrong places. I have an appreciation because they were someone's artwork, but I don't understand them. I also wouldn't take my eraser to the Lourve and try to change someone else's work.

So, when I wrote that status this morning it all totally made sense to me when I said I don't understand some people....I don't understand because I'm not the creator. The only one who truly understands a piece of art is the creator. When my children draw a picture and show it to me, sometimes I'm confused as to what it is, but they explain it to me. The drawing doesn't come to life and explain why it was drawn. Spectators (siblings) in the room may have their theories, but the only one who knows the art is the child who drew it.

God is our Creator. Some deny Him and try to theorize their life and purpose, but the truth is only God knows our life and purpose. We are His art. His craftsmanship. Just like I wouldn't dream of taking an eraser to someone else's artwork to change it (no matter how tempting), I can't change people either. It's not my job or my right because I'm not their Creator. I birthed my 3 lovely kids, but God still created them. Can't change them either.

So, all in all, it's a relief. I don't have to understand myself or other people. I'll leave that to the Creator. Loving them is hard enough, but I will always have an appreciation for art...especially an art that only God can create.

Thatcher is as unique as his name. He is his own little person. He tells it like it is....
Sunday after church he was explaining an event that took place in his class that morning. He told us the teacher poured water in a glass, filled it with kitty litter, then stirred it with a pen. I asked him what the teacher was talking about and he said "DEATH!" Then I asked what the kitty litter had to do with death and he quickly replied "I don't know I wasn't listening."

He had a field trip Monday with his Kindergarten class. His best friend up until Monday has been Peter. Two peas in a pod! Monday I picked him up from school and was asking him about the trip. He told me a little about it and then said that Bradley was his new best friend. He said they had fun on the field trip and were together the whole time. I said "What happened to Peter." He said "He wasn't talking to me or being with me very much." I said "What was he doing?" He said "Well, he was listening." I said "So....you WEREN'T listening?" He simply replied "I was listening, but I was also talking very quietly the whole time."

One of the many things I'm learning about being a mom is MY need for my children. Why did God give me these particular children? There are aspects and qualities in each of them that cause me to want to be a better person and a better mom. Thatcher keeps me laughing and I know I need him so I won't take life so seriously. I've never been a totally serious person anyway, but sometimes it gets harder finding the humor in the tiring responsibilites of life. I need my kids as much as they need me, and I like that.

Like Sands Through The Hour Glass.......

so are the Days of Our Lives. Yes, I admit I was once a fan of that show and watched it faithfully. I was always amazed at how fast the children on that show grew up. They were born in the winter and by fall they were running off with someone else's boyfriend. Even though the show was a little outlandish at times, one theme remained true throughout each season and that is.....time flies!

I'm still in my reflective state these days. I was looking through some old photos the other day of me in high school down to when I was a baby. Then I found pictures from the kids that I taught in my teaching days. I was flooded with memories. Not just memories of what was happening in the photos, but of my state of mind at the time. I can remember how my mind was geared and I remember for so long being in the "if only" shift. "If only" I was older, out of school, married, had kids, had more money, skinny, blah, blah, blah....how many years were wasted in that state??

I can honestly say that at this present time in my life I am yearning for nothing. I am truly content. I don't wish for anything more because what I have at this moment is everything. I also know that nothing ever stays the same, there are more roads to be travelled, and more lessons to be learned. So, I cherish what I have right now!

I was sad looking back thinking about how dumb I was. Truly selfish. Even looking at photos of our wedding. I had NO CLUE what I was doing. No Clue what to expect of my husband or myself. I thought "happily ever afters" were reality and I constantly failed trying to live up to that, and so did everyone around me.

I was also thankful that I'm NOT where I was. It's so nice to be on the other side. I still have so far to go, but I've come a long way. I will say it again....HOW in the world do people function without the Lord?? I would not be where I am without Him. I owe EVERYTHING to God. I couldn't be content without HIm. I may not always be happy, but I have an inner peace and joy that ONLY comes from Jesus! TImes change, life changes, people change, but THANKFULLY JESUS NEVER CHANGES! He is the SAME yesterday, today, and tomorrow. It makes me giddy just typing that.

I don't care to know exactly how much sand is left in my hourglass....or apple shaped container. I just want to be the woman, wife, mom, daughter, sister, and friend that God intended for me to be right now.

Reflections...

Ten years in the big scheme of things is really not that long of a time span, but looking back to the beginning of this decade gone by totally amazes me. I started out "believing" the following:
that we would never be able to have children, I would never be able to lose weight, always be teaching school, live in Shreveport my entire life, that Chris would always be a Shreveport Police Officer and he would NEVER let me down! I'm sure I thought more than that, but those are the "for sures" that I remember!
So, in those ten years we have had 3 children, I WAS able to lose weight (though I've gained back quite a few), I'm not teaching school anymore, or living in Shreveport. Chris is no longer an SPD Officer, and yes, he DID let me down.
Reflecting can be good. Notice who I put the limits on....GOD! I expected perfection from a human and put my God in a box. I learned so much in this decade. I laughed, I cried, I wailed, I pounded the floors, I wasn't perfect either, I prayed, I was humbled, and I am blessed. So, I begin a new decade with nothing but wonder and anticipation at what my God can and will do with me, and I'll never say "never" again.