so are the Days of Our Lives. Yes, I admit I was once a fan of that show and watched it faithfully. I was always amazed at how fast the children on that show grew up. They were born in the winter and by fall they were running off with someone else's boyfriend. Even though the show was a little outlandish at times, one theme remained true throughout each season and that is.....time flies!
I'm still in my reflective state these days. I was looking through some old photos the other day of me in high school down to when I was a baby. Then I found pictures from the kids that I taught in my teaching days. I was flooded with memories. Not just memories of what was happening in the photos, but of my state of mind at the time. I can remember how my mind was geared and I remember for so long being in the "if only" shift. "If only" I was older, out of school, married, had kids, had more money, skinny, blah, blah, blah....how many years were wasted in that state??
I can honestly say that at this present time in my life I am yearning for nothing. I am truly content. I don't wish for anything more because what I have at this moment is everything. I also know that nothing ever stays the same, there are more roads to be travelled, and more lessons to be learned. So, I cherish what I have right now!
I was sad looking back thinking about how dumb I was. Truly selfish. Even looking at photos of our wedding. I had NO CLUE what I was doing. No Clue what to expect of my husband or myself. I thought "happily ever afters" were reality and I constantly failed trying to live up to that, and so did everyone around me.
I was also thankful that I'm NOT where I was. It's so nice to be on the other side. I still have so far to go, but I've come a long way. I will say it again....HOW in the world do people function without the Lord?? I would not be where I am without Him. I owe EVERYTHING to God. I couldn't be content without HIm. I may not always be happy, but I have an inner peace and joy that ONLY comes from Jesus! TImes change, life changes, people change, but THANKFULLY JESUS NEVER CHANGES! He is the SAME yesterday, today, and tomorrow. It makes me giddy just typing that.
I don't care to know exactly how much sand is left in my hourglass....or apple shaped container. I just want to be the woman, wife, mom, daughter, sister, and friend that God intended for me to be right now.
Reflections...
Ten years in the big scheme of things is really not that long of a time span, but looking back to the beginning of this decade gone by totally amazes me. I started out "believing" the following:
that we would never be able to have children, I would never be able to lose weight, always be teaching school, live in Shreveport my entire life, that Chris would always be a Shreveport Police Officer and he would NEVER let me down! I'm sure I thought more than that, but those are the "for sures" that I remember!
So, in those ten years we have had 3 children, I WAS able to lose weight (though I've gained back quite a few), I'm not teaching school anymore, or living in Shreveport. Chris is no longer an SPD Officer, and yes, he DID let me down.
Reflecting can be good. Notice who I put the limits on....GOD! I expected perfection from a human and put my God in a box. I learned so much in this decade. I laughed, I cried, I wailed, I pounded the floors, I wasn't perfect either, I prayed, I was humbled, and I am blessed. So, I begin a new decade with nothing but wonder and anticipation at what my God can and will do with me, and I'll never say "never" again.
that we would never be able to have children, I would never be able to lose weight, always be teaching school, live in Shreveport my entire life, that Chris would always be a Shreveport Police Officer and he would NEVER let me down! I'm sure I thought more than that, but those are the "for sures" that I remember!
So, in those ten years we have had 3 children, I WAS able to lose weight (though I've gained back quite a few), I'm not teaching school anymore, or living in Shreveport. Chris is no longer an SPD Officer, and yes, he DID let me down.
Reflecting can be good. Notice who I put the limits on....GOD! I expected perfection from a human and put my God in a box. I learned so much in this decade. I laughed, I cried, I wailed, I pounded the floors, I wasn't perfect either, I prayed, I was humbled, and I am blessed. So, I begin a new decade with nothing but wonder and anticipation at what my God can and will do with me, and I'll never say "never" again.
TIME FLIES!
and I'm EXHAUSTED! I crave naps these days! I stay up too late, then stay on my toes all day with the 18 month old and the boys after school! I've barely had time to digest my turkey and BAM! Merry Christmas! I LOVE Christmas, the sparkle, the decorations, the food....but this year, I'm feeling lazy and tired, and NOT ready. It really did sneak up on me. It also seems as if retail is pushing the holidays earlier and earlier. Pushing when I'm not ready!! How dare they! This is definitely a love/hate stage with Margaret. One the one hand it is so fun. She's beginning to talk, walking everywhere, her personality is just blossoming, she's still sweet and snuggly....on the other hand she's a picky eater, wanting to feed herself, so she ends up wearing a yogurt sweater despite the bib, she's not always satisfied just sitting in the shopping cart at the store, and she wants my attention...constantly. I don't get much done while she's awake, and I try hard not to think about all I need and have to do while I spend time with her. I also know that time flies, and someday she'll be more into friends and boys than her Mama.
Also looming in the back of my mind are the disciplines I had at one time, that I've let go. I miss getting up really early and going for a run and still having time for my quiet time then a shower. I can't seem to get my tail in gear and at least wake up to do the ellyptical machine in the basement. I feel fat and unmotivated. Why is that? What is this all about? It's not even winter and the sun was out today. I have no excuse except that I'm tired and time flies. It seems like just yesterday I was so motivated to be fit and thought the feeling would last. It didn't. Baby number three came along and while 3 kids is special and glorious, it's also exhausting. I have no moral or A-ha moment to add to this blurb, nor am I seeking advice. Just blabbing about my blahs because I can and it's why I blog. I will end with this, I have been through enough seasons of life to know that they don't last forever. I'm so thankful that I know the Lord. Otherwise, I would never have this constant peace regardless of my circumstances or feelings for the moment. I would be a complete basket case. It is only because of God that I am whole!
Also looming in the back of my mind are the disciplines I had at one time, that I've let go. I miss getting up really early and going for a run and still having time for my quiet time then a shower. I can't seem to get my tail in gear and at least wake up to do the ellyptical machine in the basement. I feel fat and unmotivated. Why is that? What is this all about? It's not even winter and the sun was out today. I have no excuse except that I'm tired and time flies. It seems like just yesterday I was so motivated to be fit and thought the feeling would last. It didn't. Baby number three came along and while 3 kids is special and glorious, it's also exhausting. I have no moral or A-ha moment to add to this blurb, nor am I seeking advice. Just blabbing about my blahs because I can and it's why I blog. I will end with this, I have been through enough seasons of life to know that they don't last forever. I'm so thankful that I know the Lord. Otherwise, I would never have this constant peace regardless of my circumstances or feelings for the moment. I would be a complete basket case. It is only because of God that I am whole!
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