You can't do it justice with words. It's so true that having a baby changes everything and with each child there are more changes. Sure you have more kids to raise, another mouth to feed, and need a vehicle that will seat everyone...but the biggest change is your heart. My favorite quote is "Having a child is like having your heart walk around outside your body." It says it all for me. I never knew how much having children would hurt....physically, of course, but emotionally.....If I don't cry everyday, I tear up and I pray so hard for them that my teeth hurt when I'm done! Now, here we are....child #3. I told Chris a couple weeks ago when we were talking about issues with Jack and Thatcher "You realize we are adding another heartache to our family." Our hearts break thinking about their heartbreaks they've yet to have....and they are boys....but now...a girl....
She truly is precious.....for each child I had a different fear of what their "problem" would be...with Jack, I was convinced for 9 months he had downs syndrome. With Thatcher, I was convinced there was something wrong with his head. With Margaret, I was convinced she had the Elephant Man's Syndrome....They are perfect. All 3 miracles. All 3 gifts. All 3 on loan.
So, the moment arrives and all I want to do is see their faces and I'm flooded with relief. At that moment I realize how trite I've been about love. How I don't take it seriously enough or even understand the depths of it. After seeing their faces, the only other one I long to see is Chris'. It's a face that can't be recreated and it only happens when a child of ours is born. At that moment, our eyes lock, another depth of love has been reached, and another shallow door has been closed. You can't go back to the way you were before that very moment because having a baby changes everything...
God created these children for us to raise and train up in the way they should go, but he also created them for us. I have learned so much from them. How much I don't know...and I've learned so much about the person I'm dying to become! I marvel at them. Their observations....inquiries...I've often felt unworthy of bringing up these children who absolutely love life down to the simple. I tell Chris all the time that I'm so jealous of him because I feel like he is a way better daddy then I'll ever be as a mom. He's incredible. He was born to be a dad. I marvel at him....
Okay, so getting so serious the day after giving birth isn't good for the postpartum hormones. I'm overwhelmed and I am blessed. It may be adding a heartbreak to the family, but luckily God doesn't just hand out bandaids...He heals and He strengthens!
We are so proud of our boys and we are beaming with this little girl. We couldn't wait to see her. Chris and I had bets about what she looked like down to how much she would weigh at birth....needless to say we aren't gamblers because we'd lose everytime!! She's nothing we thought she'd be, but everything we could have ever wanted her to be.
So, here she is....Miss Margaret Lynn....our 3rd perfect miracle on loan....thank-you God for answering our prayers.
